Break Up Recovery - How to Initiate a Break Up

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Analyze the relationship & your lover before taking the decision:

Why do you want to quit?

Fights:

However strong the relationship be, fights are an unavoidable part of marriages and love. You might feel at the moment of breakup that all that you had in the relationship were fights. Give some time for clear thinking. How about the good times you had together? If your partner doesnt seem to be aware about the emotional damage caused to you during the fights, dont hesitate to have an open talk about it.

Incompatibility:

There are plenty of couples who are incompatible in many aspects but have their greatest time when they are together. But they do fight a lot. There are many compatible people who live a sleepy relationship for decades. The reason can be lack of common interests even when their characters go hand-in hand. The relationship may be just missing that spark. There is nothing like total compatibility in any relationship. Everyone makes adjustments and sacrifices for keeping the relationship going. If you are a kind of person who simply wants to get the perfect fit, and doesnt want to bother adjusting or sacrificing much, break up is the only choice that lies ahead. Use your own brain:

There can be situations when relationships however wonderful they may be, happens to face the toughest fights imaginable. It may be at such a point that you reached the decision of a breakup. Dont jump into decisions when you are agitated. Take a couple of days to cool down and then use your brain to evaluate the person, and the relationship. If you want a second opinion, rely on a true and mature friend who would give unbiased opinion (who has no hidden motives).

Beware of Biased opinions: A biased person can be your parent, a jealous friend or anyone who would simply want the relationship to end, due to a number of hidden reasons that they wouldnt like to disclose. They might shower you with huge amount of trust, love and freedom. That itself acts as a hidden trap since they know that your conscience wouldnt let you disappoint them again.

Achieving anything great in life demands great risk. There might be barriers like caste, religion, family prestige etc that needs to be sacrificed. This is the point where you will have to make a choice. You want to spend a life time with a person your heart desires? Or you would opt for a risk free alternative that your parents chooses? Lesser risk simply means lesser reward. And of course love is not for the weak- at heart.

(who said risk free? Most of the marriages that happens in non-western countries are still arranged by parents considering all astrological compatibility and all. But the divorce graph is simply on the rise. Why?)

If after giving proper weightage to various factors, you decide to break up, these are the guidelines you can follow:

Respect his/her right to know:

Express your concerns regarding the relationship and the reason why you took this decision. Talk to him/her looking right into their face. If you cant talk in person, go for a phone call. But its best that you do it in person. If your partner has a higher chance of bursting out, then it is better that you introduce the matter through a letter and then discuss about it after a few days for him/her to cool off. Express all the reasons that make you feel you want to break up. Even if the case is like you were simply not serious about the affair, expressing it directly can help your partner get out of the break up pain pretty soon. Refraining from communicating only makes the other person desperate, keep false hopes or reach conclusions that might prove to be harmful in the long run.

Be as frank as you can:

Even if what you say to your partner might spoil your image in his/her heart, tell the whole truth. Truths might make him/her dislike you, but it helps their heart to heal a lot sooner.

Lend an ear to listen:

Let your lover express what they have to say. Open your heart and try to see things from their perspective too.

Give space for corrections:

Realize the fact that everybody learns from mistakes. Now it may be him. Tomorrow it may be you. Understand that a person can truly learn from mistakes and change if he/she sincerely wants to. Give him/her a chance for that if you are truly in love.

Try to break up with mutual understanding:

Breaking up with mutual understanding always helps for faster healing. It avoids the feeling of guilt from clinging on to you and the pain of getting ditched from your partners heart. It is a safer and more grown up way of breaking up from relationships.

Be considerate:

A breakup is not like "once you loved, and now you wanna quit - So you quit". It is a matter of heart and there is another person involved. You may be getting enormous support from family or some other source, but before you take off the love and support you used to provide, make sure that your lover doesnt fall. Otherwise what does it mean by love?

Ensure his/her friends support:

In addition to explaining the reasons for the breakup to your partner let a few of his/her very intimate and supporting friends also know why you took the decision. This can help them make your lover realize things slowly with time. Make sure that you are being true to your heart.

Stop all forms of communication:

Once you are done with explaining things, and you two decided to quit, stop all phone calls, emails, everything. Avoid any chance of meeting the person again.

Avoid provocations:

Never adopt sadistic attitudes of hurting the person by keeping on attracting him/her to you even after the break up. There might be a hundred things that you know would turn him/her on. Avoid being childish or you would be deepening wounds that you have already caused.

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