Fighting in your relationships?
Why is it so difficult to communicate, and why does the efforts to communicate so often end i fighting?
Differences
Even though we think that a subject, a statement or an opinion is common or universal, we often find that the many things are not received as they were intended. Situations that are uncomfortable, scary and hurting can arise from nowhere.
Often these situations throw us off and we stop communicating. We are left silent and try to get out of the awkward situation.
Te truth is that you most likely has passed on a statement that your listener put into a a totally different content then you did. The result is misunderstanding and at worst case a real fight.
The purpose of this article, and the purpose of my website www.lessfighting.com is to give you a better foundation for understanding, reacting to and dealing with the differences between your own and other peoples basic interpretation of statements and situations.
Hopefully this will give you a better day, and less fighting.
There are different areas that will be important to look into. First the set of internal rules or guidelines here called values.
Values
Values consist of all the words you have heard or read that involves what we ought or ought not do. They are often not set into print, but rather exist as things we just know.
The major values are often carried by many people or large groups of people, like we can see in politics or religion. But for the individual person, other values can be just as important and carry a lot of emotional weight. And when they get violated or the person thinks they are about to get violated, they often react with emotions.
For the part that has come close to violating these invisible obstacles, the reactions seem totally out of proportion.
So how do we cope with situations like this
The proper way of listening
To get anywhere near a hurt person, you need to tread very carefully. The way to do it is to start by using a skill called Active Listening or Empathic Listening.
Active listening means to show the other party that you are actually listening, and that you can understand what they are saying.
This is done by repeating back the content of the situation and the feelings that are in the message. If you can do that, you will most likely come out of the situation with your head still om your shoulders.
A solution.
It is difficult to understand sometimes. But there are ways of discovering why things are like they seem to be. The best way is to start with you own composition. How you are put together and what makes you tick.
When this is all clarified for you, then you start to watch the world around you and decide how that wold is being seen by yourself. The picture you have, will be the base of your understanding, and just in this small reflection , you will discover why your world is only your world and nobody else's.
Take a look at the FREE e-book called Stop Fighting NOW! on www.lessfighting.com and get some good advice.
See you there!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jan S. Moy is a teacher, therapist and lecturer from Stavanger, Norway. He has for over 30 years, helped singles, couples and groups, to work better together and to learn how to appreciate difference.
Jan S. Moy now runs his own company, and, after their four children has grown up and moved out, continues to enjoy life with his lovely wife Camilla.
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